A.

Herodotus, the first historian, and Thucydides the second, chronological order had no effect on their popularity. Mainly because they are the most widely quoted historians that will classically be used.

Herodotus writes his history of the Persian War not only as a historian but also as a storyteller. His writing has an emotional component unique to his style; he writes more on the character of the people involved in the war, rather than commenting on military strategy or geographical specifications. He describes Mardonius as stubborn when he does not follow the advice of the Thebans. While he shows both sides to the story (that of the Persians and that of the Athenians), his writing does not exhibit the same air of objectivity as Thucydides’. Herodotus describes Mardonius’ plans: “Mardonius comsidered with himself how he might compass their ruin.” Herodotus then goes on to tell how Mardonius ravages the Megarid. Herodotus portrays the Persians as the antagonists; as if they are more morally wrong than the Greeks in the acts they commit in the war. For example, he writes that “the other Peloponnesians […] embraced the good side.” (That side being that of the Athenians). His writing is full of literary devices, such as vivid imagery: “As he spoke, the Persians let down a flood of tears.” And “the women of Rgos were seized with madness.”

One main difference between the writing of Herodotus and that of Thucydides is that while Thucydides refers to himself in the third person, Herodotus uses the first person. This shows a lack of objectivity, which can further be seen when he gives his own opinion: “To me it shows very clearly how completely the rest of the barbarians were dependent on the Persian troops, that here they all fled at once, without ever coming to blows with the enemy; merely because they saw the Persians running away.

It is clear to tell that Herotus’ world view is that of an Athenian. There are many examples of Athenian pride in his writing. For example, when the Megarians cannot hold off the Persians any longer and no one else will take their place, Herodotus writes how the Athenians valiantly volunteer their services: “Of the rest none were willing to go, whereupon the Athenians offered themselves.” We also get a glimpse of Herodotus’ religious beliefs in his writing. He describes how Tisamenus, the soothsayer, goes to Delphi to inquire about his lack of offspring. The Pythoness tells him that he will win in glorious combats. The Lacedaemonians then interpret the oracle to mean that Tisamenus will be victorious in battle. Thus, we can see that Herodotus believed in the gods and in the oracle.

Thucydides’ literary style is very analytical. He is concise and to point with any deviation other than he abundance of antithesis. Meaning his opposition, “Indeed, the daring action of Aristogiton and Harmodius was undertaken in consequence of a love affair, which I shall relate at some length, to show that the Athenians are not more accurate than the rest of the world in their accounts of their own tyrants and of the facts of their own history. Pisistratus dying at an advanced age in possession of the tyranny, was succeeded by his eldest son, Hippias, and not Hipparchus, as is vulgarly believed. Harmodius was then in the flower of youthful beauty, and Aristogiton, a citizen in the middle rank of life, was his lover and possessed him. Solicited without success by Hipparchus, son of Pisistratus, Harmodius told Aristogiton, and the enraged lover, afraid that the powerful Hipparchus might take Harmodius by force, immediately formed a design, such as his condition in life permitted, for overthrowing the tyranny. In the meantime Hipparchus, after a second solicitation of Harmodius, attended with no better success, unwilling to use violence, arranged to insult him in some covert way. Indeed, generally their government was not grievous to the multitude, or in any way odious in practice; and these tyrants cultivated wisdom and virtue as much as any, and without exacting from the Athenians more than a twentieth of their income, splendidly adorned their city, and carried on their wars, and provided sacrifices for the temples. For the rest, the city was left in full enjoyment of its existing laws, except that care was always taken to have the offices in the hands of some one of the family. Among those of them that held the yearly archonship at Athens was Pisistratus, son of the tyrant Hippias, and named after his grandfather, who dedicated during his term of office the altar to the twelve gods in the market-place, and that of Apollo in the Pythian precinct. The Athenian people afterwards built on to and lengthened the altar in the market-place, and obliterated the inscription; but that in the Pythian precinct can still be seen, though in faded letters, and is to the following effect:” He also writes in an esoteric format leaving much of the translated material today not fully understood by modern historians. He meant for certain details to only be deciphered by those around him. His eyewitness accounts leave the reader with a sense of better understanding as compared to Herodotus because truthfully Thucydides states his facts and lets the reader be the judge.

Thucydides world view was composed of analyzing human nature. He was particular when we cognitively dissected his information, because in his environment the Athenians survived on scrutiny. To most correct one can never choose a side. He was contrarian and more closely knowing events in real life take nasty turns such as the division of polis’. Thucydides was careful and more politically correct than Herodotus.

But one can never say that the other was the better. They are equally the best and the first to give insight on such foreign past events.

B. Thucydides starts out by giving a brief history of the funeral how to of Pericles’ day. Almost congruous to today’s funerary practices, our military would be a bit less barbaric than leaving unhygienic bones about, under a tent in the open air no less. Typically today veterans would remain at all times in a casket with whatever remains, adorned with our nations flag. More specifically, “A funeral honors detail shall, at a minimum, perform at the funeral a ceremony that includes the folding of a United States flag and presentation of the flag to the veteran's family and the playing of Taps. Unless a bugler is a member of the detail, the funeral honors detail shall play a recorded version of Taps using audio equipment which the detail shall provide if adequate audio equipment is not otherwise available for use at the funeral.” The casket would be available during a wake period (prior to actual military attended services) and procession would be similar to the cypress coffins. Although, today individuals will get their own casket and it would be closed, not open. The arms forces in title 10 states that any deceased personnel of the armed forces shall have, “At least two members of the funeral honors detail for a veteran's funeral shall be members of the armed forces (other than members in a retired status), at least one of whom shall be a member of the armed force of which the veteran was a member. The remainder of the detail may consist of members of the armed forces (including members in a retired status), or members of veterans organizations or other organizations approved for purposes of this section under regulations prescribed by the Secretary of Defense. Each member of the armed forces in the detail shall wear the uniform of the member's armed force while serving in the detail.” This is of course referring to all active duty soldiers. Other than this process no one usually says so much as solemn words at military veteran funerals.

The orator would thus follow closely with an endearing speech. “For it is hard to speak properly upon a subject where it is even difficult to convince your hearers that you are speaking the truth.” Thucydides makes Pericles sound as though he is a sensitive man and sensitive he was, to the fact that loss can be of a deeper kind of pain. Thucydides names many key points of what they now have; the progression can be appreciated thanks to the hard work ensued by their ancestors. Nothing in life is given freely. That is what their beloved soldiers died for, a right, a chiefly earned right. Pericles soothes the people with the fact that death is only a small price to pay considering almost every forefather did so in combat and remarks on how that affects the current status of military at that time. It’s only traditional if one would want to include the past that it must chronologically come first in the present. Today this is not seen in any veteran funeral service, or at least not directly known to the public.

Pericles continues on to thoroughly describe how democracy has been erected over the fact that men have died for a government to even be allowed to exist. First of all it’s in my opinion rude and tactless. Usually when one goes to any ceremony (today) as such one expects to hear relevant, kind words about the deceased. No matter how relevant it could be in the news it should not be brought up at the ceremony of their death. It would be as if a man were to give a speech at a funeral for military veterans and mention Barrack Obama’s inauguration. Although this assumption could be terribly wrong, the people of Pericles’ time could have very much, as he indicated, loved to hear his digression on government. Pericles said “class considerations not being allowed to interfere with merit; nor again does poverty bar the way, if a man is able to serve the state, he is not hindered by the obscurity of his condition.” Yes, that is the PERFECT thing to say when you an audience of tearful loved ones. He might as well have come out and said, “Our soldiers should be grateful that democracy is here because it created equality among classes of soldiers.” As if democracy had no previous help from the paving way of past military endeavors.

As Pericles’ goes on about democracy he mentions the openness of Athens. Prone to danger, this somehow shields them from neighboring detriments to society. He praises the soldiers who fought as it appears “unsupported”, who then daringly defeat all targets. “And yet if with habits not of labour but of ease, and courage not of art but of nature, we are still willing to encounter danger, we have the double advantage of escaping the experience of hardships in anticipation and of facing them in the hour of need as fearlessly as those who are never free from them.”

He goes on to say how each soldier’s greatness can be found with his daring liberality. In a way he thanks them for their true nature of being an Athenian. And they themselves have now all become nameless panegyrics.

Pericles values democracy as any good Athenian should. This in some respects provides the perfect situation in which he can boast about it. Although in today’s standards it would be considered a little disrespectful. Pericles intended to thank in a round about way the loved ones of the valiant soldiers through his concise speech on the democracy. He wanted closure in his conclusion, yet room enough for future progression of government through military to be known.

"Laws Relating to Funeral Honors." Ushistory.org. 03 Feb. 2009 <http://www.ushistory.org/betsy/more/funerallaws.htm>.

C.

Plutarch focused mainly on Alexander the Great’s character when writing his account of the famous conqueror’s rise to power. In Plutarch’s own words, “My intention is not to write histories, but lives.” The events described in Plutarch’s account reflect the conflicting character of Alexander the Great. While reading Plutarch’s writing, I felt internally conflicted myself; I could not decide whether Alexander was the protagonist or antagonist of the story. At times I saw him as a generous, kind-hearted man, as in the following quotations:

“Alexander was always very chaste and courteous in his relations with the opposite sex, and he had a great respect for the institution of marriage.”

“He disdained a life of comfortable sloth. This young warrior was always a great patron of the arts and of learning.”

However, at other times, Plutarch would describe Alexander as a violent and egotistical man, as in the next quotations:

“The Thebans gave him an insulting reply, so Alexander killed six thousand of them, demolished their city, and sold all of the surviving inhabitants as slaves.”

“[…] he offered a prize for the man who could drink the most wine. Promachus drank twelve quarts and got the prize, but three days later he died. Forty-one others also died from this debauch.”

Now, one must take into consideration the time period Alexander lived in, as well as the objectivity (or lack thereof) of the author. The time period would excuse some of Alexander’s more cruel, vicious actions, and make some of his better qualities all the more admirable. For example, at the time, most would probably not have objected to Alexander’s slaughter of the Thebans; many other rulers would have done the same. Also, his respectful treatment of women was truly unique as there was no such thing as “women’s rights” at the time of Alexander the Great. However, the conflict remains: what kind of a man was this Alexander?

First, an examination of some of Alexander’s best qualities:

1.Tolerance- Alexander was always extremely tolerant of foreign culture. When Alexander rested his army in Parthia, he tried on some of the native garments, and then wore them when speaking with the local people. He met a woman there, and fell in love. According to Plutarch, “Instead of taking Roxane by force, Alexander went through all of the Bactrian ceremonies for an official marriage.” This shows respect on Alexander’s part not only for women, but also for foreign customs.

2. Great self-restraint- Alexander was a master of moderation. His marriage to Roxane is a prime example: “This demonstration of his self-control and respect for their culture endeared him to the barbarians.” This is also reflected in his eating habits. “Alexander was totally in command of his appetite, and neither a glutton nor a gourmet.” Especially in matters concerning food, and in that particular time period, Alexander’s moderation with his appetite is an extremely commendable quality.

3. Trust- Alexander was an independent thinker; he trusted his gut. If there were a person he held in high esteem, no rumor could rob him of his trust for that person. Case in point: his dealings with his doctor, Philip the Acarnanian. When Alexander got sick, no doctor wanted to treat him for fear of failing and being punished for it. When Philip volunteered his services, Alexander recognized that the doctor was risking his own life to save Alexander’s. Even when he received a letter from Parmenio saying that Darius had sent Philip to poison Alexander, he still accepted the medication from Philip. “When Philip came in with a potion, Alexander took out ther letter and handed it to him, and while Philip read the letter, Alexander drank the potion with a smile. In a short time, Alexander was well.”

4. Generosity- Alexander the Great had a slew of good fortune, and he was not reluctant to share his wealth with those around him. Take, for instance, the following example: “Alexander was 200 talents in debt, having spent everything he had in making sure that his best men were able to provide for their families.” Plutarch also describes a series of events in which one of Alexander’s men is transporting some of Alexander’s treasure by means of a donkey. When the donkey tires, the man carries the treasure on his own back. When Alexander sees the man struggling under the weight, he tells the man that he can keep the treasure for himself.

5. Respect- Alexander’s gentler side can be seen in the way he treated women, like his first wife Roxane, and animals, like his horse Bucephalus. As I have already gone into detail concerning Alexander’s respect for women, at a time when women were regarded as possessions rather than people, I will talk about his devotion to his horse. When the old war horse dies, Alexander grieves as though he has lost a friend, and “On that spot he ordered a city to be built, named Bucephalia.”

Next, a look at Alexander’s darker side, and his worst qualities:

1. Paranoia- While trust was one of Alexander’s best qualities, its counterpart, paranoia, was one of his worst. As time went on, and Alexander gained more power (and more enemies), he became increasingly paranoid. When Philotas’ enemies succeeded in convincing Alexander that Philotas was conspiring against him, Alexander executed a slew of murders to ensure all possible conspirators be put to death: “Alexander ordered Philotas arrested and questioned under torture. Although Philotas denied that he had any part in the conspiracy, Alexander had him executed. Alexander also sent assassins to kill Philotas’ father, Parmenio, who was second in command of the army and had been a loyal friend of Alexander’s father, King Philip.”

2. Ruthlessness- Alexander showed a decreasing respect for human life as he became more powerful. At one point in time, he decided to have his army march through the Gedrosian Desert rather than traveling by ship. He ended up losing seventy-five percent of his army to hunger and thirst.

3. Hubris- This quality was common among major Greek leaders in history. However widespread, hubris remains an unflattering characteristic that Alexander the Great possessed. He had a penchant for naming cities after himself, such as “Alexandropolis.” He was also known to “lapse into braggadocio.” A prime example of his hubris is his letter to Darius: “All of Asia is mine, including all of its treasure. The money you offer is already mine. As for your daughter, if I want to marry her, I will do so, whether or not you approve.”

4. Violence- As a great general, Alexander was quick with a sword and had many victories under his belt. However, sometimes the magnificent war leader would go too far. When Alexander’s best friend Hephaestion dies, Alexander goes on a killing spree. “He crucified the doctor who had treated Hephaestion. […] Then he went into the country of the Cossaeans and for no reason massacred the entire nation.”

5. Impulsive behavior-Although level-headedness was one of Alexander’s best traits, he was also known to act impulsively, especially when he had been drinking. When Alexander mocks his own soldiers along with some foreign men, his friend Clitus stands up to him. Clitus said, “Those poor Macedonians you laugh at have, by their wounds fighting for you, made you so great now that you disown your father Philip and call yourself the son of Ammon.” Clitus is exactly right, but Alexander is enraged, and kills his friend: “Alexander grabbed a spear and threw it, killing Clitus.”

Don't stick it to the man

REWIND... and stop. Society started somewhere didn't it? Some would say it started with some ambitious ancient folk. How about the Mesopotamians? They started a successful group to unite themselves for a cause. People were given daily jobs and for what reason? Because one person cannot do everything alone. Whether its patriotic, political, or cultural, society is an assortment of people looking to advance themselves and make a difference for future generations. Now, fast forward to the American Colonial Period around the time of the first president. At this point not only did people have jobs, but a government was established. A government is separate from the society(regardless of any personal opinions). So, George Washington was appointed, by his people and for his people. Those people, that society, wanted to accomplish greater benefits for themselves. Hence the allotment of power and hence the fact that government is a guideline for excellence. Why you may ask? Because someone or many people have to care. They have to organize, plan and prepare so that the weight is lifted off the shoulders of those who don't want to bear the burden, yet want to reap the benefits.



"Congratulations! You're not perfect! It's ridiculous to want to be perfect anyway. But then, everybody's ridiculous sometimes, except perfect people. You know what perfect is? Perfect is not eating or drinking or talking or moving a muscle or making even the teensiest mistake. Perfect is never doing anything wrong - which means never doing anything at all. Perfect is boring! So you're not perfect! Wonderful! Have fun! Eat things that give you bad breath! Trip over your own shoelaces! Laugh! Let somebody else laugh at you! Perfect people never do any of those things. All they do is sit around and sip weak tea and think about how perfect they are. But they're really not one-hundred-percent perfect anyway. You should see them when they get the hiccups! Phooey! Who needs 'em? You can drink pickle juice and imitate gorillas and do silly dances and sing stupid songs and wear funny hats and be as imperfect as you please and still be a good person. Good people are hard to find nowadays. And they're a lot more fun than perfect people any day of the week." ~Stephen Manes



Why are we beholden to society? Well we are society. And to continue the saga we must go on. We all have to get educated and work. We're going to work ourselves to death and we're going to like it. Because the nice thing about being a U.S. citizen is that we get to choose our own career paths. And an added bonus is that it helps our society. We're making our society grow and become better and better. Time is flying and soon we'll be helping along just like everyone else.


We are obligated to ourselves. You might as well be asking why we are living. This is progression over time. None of which has been created overnight. Within time we made the rules and we can just as easily change them(well not too easily, but its not impossible). We're not stuck in a rut. This is not something to pout and whine about. We're Americans and we should be proud about the fact that we live in a democracy where society is the people, not the government. We are smart enough to divide the responsibilities up between everyone. Every job that every person does every single day is what holds us united. Cooperation is our glue. I.e. we can be thankful for our postal service. Did you know that as of just a few days ago our postal service was reorganizing big time? Bet you didn't and why you may ask. Well, since our economy is slowly receding, mail has been doing the same. Right now there are people hard at work finding new routes for postmen, so as to efficiently use their time in the correct areas. It's just a little thing like that makes a difference. It shows our postal system cares about us. What would we do if we were still in Ancient Rome sending messengers on foot. Evolution and the brains of society have done a great deal. We look out for each other in many respects. Doctors have their jobs to cure the sick (although right now i think they're making us sicker than when we came into their offices, but of course that has no ulterior motives *our economy cough cough*). Our soldiers fight for us to keep us protected. Government officials take care of the larger more time consuming details. Our teachers are educating the future to make sure we don't send what we have down the toilet. More importantly society knows the meaning of "I've got your back".


Just think for one minute. Why on earth did society become society, if we all just want what we want for our perfect little selves? Hence the quote. It made you think why a random quote like that was just sitting there. Well you see society is a collective group of people. It is not government. People in the society appoint the morally strong people to government to take care of the tedious details. Everyday we take the little things for granted. If you think about it someone is taking care of those details, right now. And the sad thing is that some of the more stuck up drones in our society question why they have to follow the "man". Well lets just say if that the oxygen level is not as concentrated up there as it is down here. We shouldn't be questioning society because its good for us and we made it that way. So in fact there is no reason why we should not be following any rules much less complaining. If people would just educate themselves on the fact that society, government and life is our doing then maybe, just maybe they'd understand that its not a bunch of perfectionists runnying everything, but people who care. You. Don't you care?

We'd all benefit eachother, if we just looked within

Knowledge is a gift, but the knowledge of oneself should be somewhat (I believe to be solely my opinion) of an effortless task. Would it not make sense that one should know oneself because that is who they are closest to 24/7? Those that ignore such a fact either 1) hate themselves (very unlikely), 2) have a low intrapersonal intelligence, or 3) simply do not bother. With an acquaintance with oneself one must know their emotions to a sometimes unbearable extent. To do so they must dexterously access their feelings, concisely pin point in which stage of emotion they currently reside, and most importantly learn from these knowledgeable events. Personally I feel I do this every single day(not to be pompous, but everyone will find out soon enough). Although I'm not highly interpersonal, I can however understand myself just fine. It's just the communicating them (the feelings) to others I worry about.We all know a picture is worth a thousand words, but our feelings are worth, well in my case none. They leave us all speechless. This brings me to the value of the critical "self-knowledge". When you can obtain self knowledge you not only touch upon something that is easy to tap into(the ability is there, its just your choice to harness it), but a its place or state of mind that is really just helpful. For example, I become a witness to some painstaking obstacles and triumphs to my success. The appropriate interlude would be the death of my mother. I did a LOT of thinking in the past 5 years of my life. First I came through acceptance, which invariably is supposed to come at the end of the thought process or knowledge that most psychologists have of the bereavement period of a loved one. And I realized this. One of my friends just the other day said, "Oh I had many close relatives pass away and I did not react at all." Sure that could be a possibility, but its a lie. Not to me, but to herself. She could be hurting so deeply inside, but all she does is let it be pushed away, instead of sorting in her memory and putting it to rest. After my realization that, that was NOT normal I decided I must in fact cry, grieve, mull over the thoughts. How was a 12 year old to do so? I had no idea, at the time. First I tried the crying, that didn't work. Apparently one is not supposed to cry at the burial. I didn't know this, so if I was to cry I'd do it in private, which eventually made me very depressed. Then I decided I did not get enough satisfaction from the tears so I would then next grieve. I wore black, most of 8th grade, actually. People thought I was Gothic, and I thought that was funny. And even though this is besides the point, I did not pierce myself or paint myself with a vast amount of makeup. The next step was for me to mull over thoughts. This so far has taken up a total of 4 years, which is a very long time, well at least to think. Even though through that process I managed to isolate myself completely (not entirely my fault, I can blame most of it on my overprotective father) from society. I mean its not like someone else is going to take the time to understand me, trust me, I'd need a highly skilled psychologist. The point being that I understand myself. Sometimes I think, that I more intrapersonally intelligent than most adults. By the time some people are 30 they're getting ready to settle down, and haven't even given enough thought to critical events in their lifetime.

Apart from looking within, I make sure I know my faults and or weaknesses well (which are expressed outwardly, not to be confused with looking within. I really don't understand why people think so. It is very possible that they're just blind to the fact.). How else would I grow? How else would any of us grow? And yes there is the high possibility that many do this unconsciously, but I do this daily. Currently I would call myself a procrastinator. Or more politely I have a tendency to not finish projects on time. This is because I tend to hide in my refuge: myself. In fact I might as well call this problem "Introvertedness", which isn't really a word, but I am quite introverted, so there. It's a safe haven for me. For example, I will leave very, very important projects until last minute, because either 1) something more important with my mental health came into view or 2) I feel as though to get past my stubborn ways I must reflect on what is holding me back, which sounds made up, but oddly enough that is what I do. A more pressing matter as of late, I found out that I intimidate people. I just irks me when people appear to be putting up some sort of protective defense against me. All I did was walk in the room. I get one of two responses from people when I FINALLY befriend them. "Oh I thought you were just stuck up" or, "I didn't notice you, you seemed incredibly shy". Where this misconception came from I have, well....never mind thats not entirely true. See when a person is quiet, they give off a vibe of "I just want to be left alone", which is very true, but I do sometimes want to reach out towards others. This again leads me back to being introverted. I keep to myself most of the times because I do not communicate well with others. Numerous times I've had terrible experiences, one could say I have my good days and my bad days. Which is ironic because I've managed to speak several languages (literally) throughout my life with fluency, but I hate speaking to people. Go figure! What I do, do though is everyday I try very hard to participate, even though I do get shot down. I'd rather get shot down then tell the person the truth. Frankly, I see straight to answer every time, I just really don't want to point it out because then I'm labeled as cocky or rude. Hey, it's not my fault you don't like the truth. I like to tell it as it is. It's just that has gotten me into so much trouble that I fear of offending too many people. My aunt calls me I forgot the exact word, but a person that looks at every possibility before answering. And yes I have been wrong before, but I've learned from those mistakes and it just adds to my knowledge of where to obtain my answers or truths. And sometimes people say that the quiet ones with come out on top, so maybe one day I can reverse this to make it my forte.

I don't really enjoy talking about my success/ strengths/ best qualities, but I have to anyway. It's just how many times does someone not believe you when you tell them or scoff at your pride? Too many, but I'll continue. One of my strengths is my ambition. A great example is the humanities project we had. I decided, (why? I have no clue, other than I wanted to make my teachers proud, which I never manage to do), that I should make the artifacts from scratch. Boy was that stupid. I'm was just thinking, "Oh, a harp, I can make a harp, and the Standard of Ur (which broke), the head of Uruk (which also broke), a Ziggurat, a seal stone, tablets with cunieform, etc.. " But you see the only time I have ambition is when I don't think. I did it all on impulse. For a 10th grade simple project, I decided I would do an oil painting, my first oil painting. It came out rather good actually, but why did I do that? I certainly cannot answer it other than to ambition and to win the hearts of comrades (a.k.a. teachers and students, little did I know that they'd get mad/jealous, or don't believe that I did it). I dont' know if anyone has detected fustration but all I really want to do is please everyone. This brings me to my best trait of all. I'm a caring person. If you break my trust, hurt me (oh boy am I sensitive) or betray me, then you'll never see the same Katherine again. But I will do anything, or go to the end of the world just to make sure you're taken care of or that you're happy. I love to make people smile. My best accomplishments in this area is decorating the house to make it comfortable not only for me, but for those who come to it and candy striping. I just recently finished repainting my room, buying new furniture and building some too. And I have to say, I've had some of my happiest memories at home with friends and family. And when I'm at the hospital bringing people fresh water, or talking to them (mainly foreign patients, because some American patients are awfully cranky) they smile, which just makes me the happiest person.

I don't know that I would say this was exactly difficult for me (I mean it did take a while because I was making chicken curry for lunch tomorrow), but sometimes I just don't really want to tell people anything, because I've never found someone who cares as much as I do. My weaknesses and strengths as listed are plainly there, but I have to say i'm not willing to budge much more because I saw this exercise as an exercise that is supposed to make us think, reflect, and maybe change, but I just need for someone else to change. This has done nothing more than help me tell you some of what I think about, but I don't think is ever hard it's just silly because people are selfish.

sometimes it just makes you stronger

Why do the right thing if you are only punished for doing so? I have to admit I'm still having trouble figuring out that one. I'm a very observant person. I tend to look into many situations pessimistically with some occasional optimism, but it's hard to when all you see is the good people around you constantly being punished. For example, when my mom died I remember my aunt saying that "The good ones always go first." When I heard this I took it personally, like God hated me just like Job thought about the LORD. Yes, it eased my pain a little to know that my mom was good and she didn't die because she had done something wrong in her life. But for the following 20 or so Sundays that I went to church I would refuse to bless myself, look at alter, or follow along during mass. When an event as strong as this one hits you, it makes you think. Well, I thought, and for a long time I questioned. What did I do to make her die? Is it my fault? I remember bargaining with God, maybe if I behaved she'd come back? Or maybe if I could exchange her for my beloved dog she'd come back? I just couldn't see what was wrong. I was in a fog. Nothing else existed except me and this problem.

Another instance is when I found out I had an overactive thyroid. I thought God was punishing me. I was in 4th grade. What could I have possibly done to make God give me such an illness? But, this made me think (more productively this time) that things don't always have to happen for a reason, and maybe I did misbehave when I was little and didn't want to go to Ukrainian school when all the other kids got to watch Saturday morning cartoons, but that doesn't necessarily mean its tied with my illness. In my opinion, they're not related, then and currently I think so because every event is separate on their own accord. Sometimes things just happen, and sometimes they make you stronger. But everything bad will always happen, and you can't stop it. You can only hope that God was just trying to show you something. And many of times he was. Well, at least he taught me a lot more than I think others have learned around me.

In the book of Job, I saw Job as a good, not upstanding, but a person who functioned the way he was supposed to. I don't know Job personally, but I feel as thought if the author had gone more in depth with the book of Job, maybe we'd all see that Job had a lesson to learn. Frankly, the reason I think the time in which the author wrote this was a time in which he was trying to prove that he had done nothing wrong or Job. Maybe if we all looked at our misfortunes, we'd see that there is something to be learned in the process or the aftermath. It's not because God hates us or that we are simply perfect and have done nothing wrong. It's because we're human and sometime we don't always look from the outside in. Job does a lot of complaining and maybe he could have sat and reflected. It's sort of like the song my Bob Marley, "Be Happy, Don't Worry". Whenever I'm having one of those days where I feel as though I'm being punished for nothing, I listen to it. Many of my punishments deal with social relationships and I feel as though God's trying to show me that if I just reached out a little further, there'd me someone there to grab my hand and tell me everything is going to be okay.

Nothing bad should happen to people, but they do. That's what society has told me. But sometimes I look at differently. I think everyone should be punished because we can be internally bad and externally to others very angelic. And when vise versa occurs its all okay too. We're human and sometimes it just makes you stronger. I can't emphasize it enough. A human race that we're all included in is made up of people and they're separate problems. If we all looked at our punishments as guidance we'd see that we're not always good.

We've all overdosed on life

Hmmmmm...... is a lovely thought that comes to mind when one thinks of how we'll all be judged one day, that fatal day. It's like the Book of the Dead or Hammurabi's code of laws because they're the perfect things in life that should be done and punishments for those not done correctly greatly effect you outcome. In the Book of the Dead the pharaohs pride themselves on being holy and perfect, which cannot possibly be true. We're humans, humanity should be this way and would be greater in this way, but will never succumb to such "filthy" matters. Then with Hammurabi's code of laws one must sanction thyself or feel the wrath of those around you. Or maybe Karma should be the prime example, if that is easier for others to relate to. You can think it's all going to come back and get you in the end because it will. There are countless times in which maybe I am looking for these "karmatic" situations, and they're everywhere. I myself am not perfect, but I strive to be; to be the better person. The good will always haunt my mind, maybe because I have done so much wrong already? Who knows but I certainly will have to say media like Gilmore Girls has made me want to be a serene and knowledgeable person on right and wrong. I feel so old saying this but, "In my days I've seen too much wrong and very little good, but know the difference immediately between both." Ah ha! Wouldn't we all say this or some affect to it? Possibly, but no one is smart enough to act in such a way automatically. I'm not saying that anyone is stupid,yet just morally, and sensibly corrupt, which isn't much better.

I'm just me and no one else, but I try so hard sometimes just to make sure I do the right thing and that others do too. Personally I'd rather not engross everyone on the details of my life, being as touchy as that subject may be. But, I've been bad, sometimes so bad you'd think there's something wrong. Of course there are things wrong, but no one understands them. Moreover I'm not a person of gray. What I mean by this is that I do everything in extremes. I'm the the "black or white kid" as my 7th grade guidance counselor would say. I don't think compromise is supposed to be subjected within oneself, rather it should be with someone else. I'm a conflict within a conflict. Many of times I don't make sense, but who's to say I'm not weighed out in the end. Maybe I can be the perfect balance on the scales of Osiris?

I'd say the value of life is nothing like the meaning of life. You must see what that person has done, intended to do, and will do because all three forms of their actions are what a person, every person, is composed of. You can judge them upon this and who they are morally, because time and time again has shown morals will rise above all. Why do you think we have Hammurabi's code of laws, the Book of the Dead, directors of media still today making sure there is a meaning or a lesson learned in their media? Because common sense never failed any of us. This decision is made every single day of our lives. We judge every person we see, whether consciously or subconsciously, we do it. Like that girl you hated in school because she was most popular, whether you admit to it or not you still hate her, because she didn't realize she was hurting you, because if she did: Wouldn't she be your friend? Maybe even, nice to you? The meaning and purpose of life is different for anyone, because if I tried to explain it, it would only pertain to me. We all life separate lives, none can be equally measured, and no one is really wrong, just confused.

A better sense of me and where I want my life to go:
A)5 things I want to accomplish or have
1. True love... I want to find that person who is the other half, my perfect other half.
2. I want to have a perfect home, one that has history, yet modern amenities, the perfect
husband (previously described in my last blog), a child or two and to teach them the right
way to live life.
3. I want to travel the world, see everyone and everyplace.
4. I want to relax just once, without worrying, feeling guilty or incompetent.
5. I want to go to Yale and pursue International Law

B) What those five things mean to me:
1. I feel as though if I found that person that I clicked with, I wouldn't have to constantly think about my horrible past.
2. I think I want to perfect family life because I never had what I assumed to be a perfect home life. Something to the affect of Martha Stewart would please me.
3. I want to travel the world because no matter where I go I feel at home and connect with all the people. You would not believe how many times I am NOT considered a tourist.
4. I never really relaxed, because my dad thinks I"m lazy, and everyone is always so busy and has no time for me, that if I'm busy I'm in a way having time for me.
5. I want to go to Yale because I believe I deserve the highest education and the best. I was born in New Haven. My dad own houses mainly, 2 family houses to be exact, that he rents to Yale students. I grew up in that area (figuratively). I go to Ukrainian school on Saturdays on George Street. It's my life and I can see it going there and no where else. It's given me the warmest impression and I haven't even gone on one of their tours because I'm convinced I belong there. Think of your warmest childhood memory and what pops into my mind is Yale. Because Yale feels not like a towering Ivy League but a pal to joke around with, or family. It's home for me, at least.

C) What those 5 things mean to humanity:
1. True love makes everyone happy. It doesn't make you cocky, it doesn't make you harsh, it's a feeling of zen. Serene power within that makes everyone feel secure.
2.If only everyones family life were perfect, yes we'd all be the same or quite similar, but happiness is key for humanity. We shouldn't be sad forever.
3.Travel helps us all realize that there are (hands on) people who are less fortunate, history and a sense of unity.
4.Relaxation is the key to living, because not many live for a long time with a cranky attitude.
5.Education is also the key to happiness. It's everyone's key to success.

Mainly my short sentences and thoughts are meant to be elaborated upon within your mind because I don't think I should tell anyone what to think. Mainly because with no matter how many years of experience with words no one can exactly formulate a sentence that everyone will get the same response to. So, feel free and think what my life and my opinions mean to you.

It's my life and I can try if I want to... (please read in a monotonous voice, maybe even casually laugh)

When I think about my life, one question always pops into my head, "What am I doing here?". I grew up in a house with a mom, a dad, no siblings, and a smattering of pets throughout the years. You could also say there were some significant events that took place. First it started with one health problem, a death, another health problem, dance issues, family problems, and frustration. The list does go on and on, but a small summary of each satisfies that need that we humans have to hear juicy details.

At the age of 9 I was not a social kid, I was obsessed with art, and I was diagnosed with a hyperactive thyroid. Naturally my parents took me to the best doctor at Yale New Haven Hospital. I can recall that day, sitting there on that ugly greenish blue table. The doctor came in and confirmed what the pediatricians had said, "Your thyroid is in fact hyperactive.", and then he said "You have 3 choices: iodine radiation, surgery and... (unfortunately I forgot the last one)". I remembered how badly I wanted to cry, and all I could think of were all the sick kids in hospital beds who just had surgery and how "messed up" they were . I was traumatized. Then the next thing that is just as equally traumatizing was when they took me into another room and decided to draw blood from me. I was fine with it, but not with the hyperactive thyroid. To make matters much worse I persisted to cry, no, more like sob. Then the hospital clowns (I'm not kidding by the way) came into the room and my father had to hold me in his lap very tightly so they could draw blood. Ever since I never could come to terms with peacefully going for blood tests.

When I was 12 on November 24th 2003 my mom passed away. She wasn't the healthiest person but she wasn't sick either. Her death was rather sudden and startling. No one had expected it and as many adults declare and so will I, "I remember that day as if it was yesterday." My aunt picked me up after school when she told me that mom was in the emergency room and that everything was going to be fine. We went to go get Wendy's for my mom, because coici (it means aunt in Polish) was the one who took her. I found out she was having some chest pains and they did some testing, but needed to further investigate. My dad soon arrived and I remember hearing my mom and coici talking about if she had been smoking recently. I think my mom said no, and coici remarked that, that was a lie. Well, later that night she was transferred up to her room. My dad was putting her coat into the small closet in the hospital and my mom told me to get her pajamas. I grabbed them while she went to the bathroom. Next thing you know she collapsed on the floor, had what appeared to be a concussion and the last words that she uttered was my name. Dropping everything I rushed over, screamed for a nurse. No one came, I ran out into the hallway and then finally they shooed us out and tried to revive her. It appeared that she had gotten a concussion, and either had a blood clot or a massive heart attack. At that point we had no clue that she had a small chance of living. My dad and I went to the little kitchen and waited. All I kept thinking was, "Oh my god what if she's dead?", then I started to say it out loud. I remember my dad told me, "Don't say things like that!" Instantly it reminded me of when my grandma in Poland passed away and I missed school for 2 weeks. Then I was thinking, "Cool I get to miss school," immaturely and thinking "Wow, now I'm destined to go to Hell. God is probably watching me right now." The doctor came and calmly said, "I'm sorry sir but your wife has passed away." His calmness shocked me. I wanted to rush in there and try to revive her myself!

Now that I look back on it I feel so responsible and mature. As soon as she died I offered to call all the family, members. My dad didn't even offer, but the nurse did. Then my counselor in seventh grade called the house the next day and asked how I was feeling. I said fine and said I'll be ready for school the next day. She was astonished and suggested I stay at home as long as needed. But everyone thought it was denial. Still to this day I haven't had the time to grieve, which isn't normal according to many people. It's not like I can bring her back. What's the point?

Since the beginning of my thyroid problems I had noticed that I was abnormally tired. Come to find out as of recent that it was because I had chronic fatigue syndrome, anemia, and that I'm not producing enough blood cells. I thought I was just deprived of sleep. Maybe even extremely lazy. Much to my dismay no one really believes me. For example, the nurses at school don't think my doctor is a real doctor. How funny?

Then dance became a huge event in my life. I lived for dance. I don't mean to brag but I was good. I almost had it all, but when you glaze over the fact that in dance the politics are heavier than the ones currently in the government. You can get into a bit of trouble. For instance, since freshman year, when I first started Ukrainian Folk dancing. I worked my way up fast, too fast for some. Many people did not like it and I didn't make many friends. To put it lightly it's taken four years for me to finally get on their good side and its only just beginning.

My family has had problems way before I was born. I was the victim in every situation. My parents would fight. Sides of the family would have "problems" that don't need to be elaborated upon. And i sympathize with those who have problems or multiple problems, because I can honestly say, "No matter what problem you throw at me I'll understand exactly what you're talking about."The best example to show what I mean by such a confident statement is living in my house with my father for 17 years. Sure he's nice, the typical soft voiced immigrant, and so on. Don't let it fool you. He's smarter than you think. Definitely, as rude and disrespectful as this is (which I hate to do and I never should use the word hate, but here's an exception) my dad is like Hitlers, Stalin's, and the devils twin. I honestly don't think I've ever been parented the proper way. The way most kids should be. I do everything by myself. No one ever helps me. I've been cooking since 3rd grade. When my mom died I cooked everything, breakfast, dinner, my school lunches. My dad didn't go to college. He does not know how to help me with homework if I ever need it. He has me write emails for him because his grammar is just so bad. He says not nice things to me. Degrades my confidence. He tells me, "No you can't be a cook. That doesn't pay much. You can't be an artist. You can't be a homemaker." No one believes me, because I'm a child. I don't know any better. In fact I believe I'm more mature than the most mature people in my age range. I didn't have a childhood. After my mom died, I wasn't let out of the house. Friends disappeared over the years. He's so opinionated , and 80% of the time I'm right. Therefore he hates it, he says he loves me as all parents should but deeply angry.

My frustration gets tugged in a few directions. First I'm mad about school, love, and people. School, oh lovely school. I'm not mad about grades, I just hate the American school system. And my father says don't say that, but why not? Because who's feelings am I going to hurt other than everyone who in a way is hurting mine by being taught his way. I think all Americans should hear it. The students are so disrespectful and then they say, "Oh I know" and try to be what they think is respectful but in truth there no where close. We don't learn at a good level. High School students in Europe know as much as college students know here. Proof can be said over and over again, but Americans are too proud, I think, to admit such things, or to realize the truth. It's mind boggling to see people ignore the facts. On that note, homeopathy. Why is it not recognized? I strongly believe in it, not only because it saved my life, but because they U.S. pharmaceutical companies are cheating its populace. Why on earth would they do that? Is money that great when you know your the cause of pain, suffering and death of all those Americans who take those pills. The pills that say get they rid of e.g. allergies, but can cause damage to your liver. Honestly, and yes the cure to cancer has been found, but we're too ignorant. Then I'm, I know very picky about who I want to date. Boys are extremely immature. My list of big "no-nos" consists of: they can't be creepy, geeky, stupid, rude, weird, or extremely ugly. Now yes that narrows things down, a lot. But I can't compromise any of this. Why you say, because I've had guys that were friends who fit into a no-no category and they became more than friends and it DID NOT work out. And then the ones that fit the description automatically get nervous or why around me, why? I can't deal with that. My life is complicated I can't handle them in that way. Would it be so hard for a loving caring, non ugly, not crazy maniac to just ask me out? Save me heart attack, for goodness sake. I wouldn't be able to deal with rejection just yet. Since that's an everlasting rabbit's hole, what about my frustration with people? I hate counselor or people that think they can help me. At one time I thought they could. I want to them to, but they don't know what to do with me because I'm ambitious. When I want something done I get it done. When they can't help me right away I'm just going to fix it myself. I understand my problems the best. I could talk for weeks on each subject and more that I've already elaborated on. I also don't like the people in our school, most actually not all. Amity is a stuck up school. Richer parents send their spoiled kids to school, not to say I'm not spoiled from time to time. But I realize everything, I look at every point of view. I'm not going to be a primadonna, for who's satisfaction? Certainly not my own.

I spilt it all, well almost. Getting to the point. Well don't we all want to get there sometimes. A narrative could be interesting, but as you can see from the sampling of some of my life stories, its complicated. My life can't really be simplified into two sentence summaries of each problem that was extremely important in my life. The one piece of advice is going to have to be a collection of them. When I was younger my mother used to tell me every night before I went to bed some stories. They were called Kathy stories (having nothing to do with my name). My mom had a best friend who is still alive and she would tell me a story of Kathy's experiences. They all had a message to them. I use those pieces of advice everyday of my life, just to keep me going because I know that I'm destined for something greater even if no one believes me. "We all have our own paths, but only you travel your own, and you Katherine will never truly be understood by others" In a nutshell that was the piece of advice I got from my mother one night when she and I were chatting up a storm. This is really out of the blue, but since I'm pouring out my soul. I'd just like to say I want to go to Yale. I speak 7 languages and understand everything I am taught in immense detail, but I've never had the chance to prove myself. Because I'm so busy, exhausted and so hurt that it's too difficult to even bother to try to explain in a nutshell, my life. So I'm not going to falter when Yale doesn't accept me, because I know I don't abide by the American standard. And even though I want the best education, I learned from all my mom's advice that I'm my best teacher.

"A hero cannot be a hero unless in a heroic world." -Nathaniel Hawthorne

Nathaniel Hawthorne so creatively said, "A hero cannot be a hero unless in a heroic world." Indeed he or she cannot be, because whereupon beginnings are beginnings and since they have a sight of their origin they must have glimpse of the end. Too much of a good thing could spoil an individual, therefore "unhappy the land that needs heroes" said Bertolt Brecht, is apparently true. Each individual would in reality be spoiled and become too dependent upon such a character. But is there not a clue in the mentioning of character? Heroes are characters, not real people. Real they may be, but only for a moment. When a man saves a kitten from a tree. A little boy saves his friend from drowning in the pool. A security guard takes the bullet for his Majesty. These are all real events that happened some time or multiple times in history, but we must keep in mind that they are heroes for those 15 famous minutes or their time in the limelight. Our society could not cope with one individual constantly "saving the day" so to speak.
In the books Beowulf, The Odyssey, and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn there is one large common factor. The main characters are all heroes, in one sense or another, coming only from my opinion. For my definition of a hero is a recognized creature, human or not, that displays courage and selflessness, even though this could fit anyone in any situation. Although it does strongly apply to each of the following: Beowulf, Odysseus, and Huckleberry Finn. It only applied so well because the authors made the characters that way, they laid down the foundation for an accredited book to become well known and thus these heroes have gotten to us and our society and this very moment of me questioning, Is my definition of a hero, really the real definition?
Maybe I have neglected to see the true heroism that exists everyday. Only when one thinks of a real hero off the top of their heads; such as Joan of Arc. She was a heroine, but we do not know her personally and only her tale can now be told. This, which makes me recall, women too can be heroines. Who says not? Most examples of real heroes only seem to end with "-ines", so indeed they can. What about Elizabeth Blackwell the first woman to get a Ph.D. in medicine, Harriet Tubman that we all know saved the lives of countless slaves on the underground railroad, or what about Sammuramat the Assyrian queen who expanded Babylonian territory through direct contact in the battlefield? Are those not all heroic feats accomplished by women. Men appear to be the center of attention in society, but women are those who save the men and keep them sane in our society. There are no women characters in the books: Beowulf, The Odyssey, and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn; because as mentioned the authors had full control and we are male. The authors themselves were not selfless.
Everyone views heroes as something or someone special. In a way they are our models, someone to look up to, to aspire to. They do everything for those around them, but most importantly what is right for them. That is what makes everything that they do so grand, it fits like a puzzle into the tale or lifestyle. We'd all be better off aspiring to be heroic, not for the recognition, rather for the peace to keep within. We in fact do not need heroes because humans detest snooty people who show off. What we all need is the quiet hero within. Leave the real heroes to books in fantasy worlds that do not exist. Our lives are not an epic tale, we do not live in a book. However much we would desire this to be so, we cannot because life is just life not a novel worth reading.