Knowledge is a gift, but the knowledge of oneself should be somewhat (I believe to be solely my opinion) of an effortless task. Would it not make sense that one should know oneself because that is who they are closest to 24/7? Those that ignore such a fact either 1) hate themselves (very unlikely), 2) have a low intrapersonal intelligence, or 3) simply do not bother. With an acquaintance with oneself one must know their emotions to a sometimes unbearable extent. To do so they must dexterously access their feelings, concisely pin point in which stage of emotion they currently reside, and most importantly learn from these knowledgeable events. Personally I feel I do this every single day(not to be pompous, but everyone will find out soon enough). Although I'm not highly interpersonal, I can however understand myself just fine. It's just the communicating them (the feelings) to others I worry about.We all know a picture is worth a thousand words, but our feelings are worth, well in my case none. They leave us all speechless. This brings me to the value of the critical "self-knowledge". When you can obtain self knowledge you not only touch upon something that is easy to tap into(the ability is there, its just your choice to harness it), but a its place or state of mind that is really just helpful. For example, I become a witness to some painstaking obstacles and triumphs to my success. The appropriate interlude would be the death of my mother. I did a LOT of thinking in the past 5 years of my life. First I came through acceptance, which invariably is supposed to come at the end of the thought process or knowledge that most psychologists have of the bereavement period of a loved one. And I realized this. One of my friends just the other day said, "Oh I had many close relatives pass away and I did not react at all." Sure that could be a possibility, but its a lie. Not to me, but to herself. She could be hurting so deeply inside, but all she does is let it be pushed away, instead of sorting in her memory and putting it to rest. After my realization that, that was NOT normal I decided I must in fact cry, grieve, mull over the thoughts. How was a 12 year old to do so? I had no idea, at the time. First I tried the crying, that didn't work. Apparently one is not supposed to cry at the burial. I didn't know this, so if I was to cry I'd do it in private, which eventually made me very depressed. Then I decided I did not get enough satisfaction from the tears so I would then next grieve. I wore black, most of 8th grade, actually. People thought I was Gothic, and I thought that was funny. And even though this is besides the point, I did not pierce myself or paint myself with a vast amount of makeup. The next step was for me to mull over thoughts. This so far has taken up a total of 4 years, which is a very long time, well at least to think. Even though through that process I managed to isolate myself completely (not entirely my fault, I can blame most of it on my overprotective father) from society. I mean its not like someone else is going to take the time to understand me, trust me, I'd need a highly skilled psychologist. The point being that I understand myself. Sometimes I think, that I more intrapersonally intelligent than most adults. By the time some people are 30 they're getting ready to settle down, and haven't even given enough thought to critical events in their lifetime.
Apart from looking within, I make sure I know my faults and or weaknesses well (which are expressed outwardly, not to be confused with looking within. I really don't understand why people think so. It is very possible that they're just blind to the fact.). How else would I grow? How else would any of us grow? And yes there is the high possibility that many do this unconsciously, but I do this daily. Currently I would call myself a procrastinator. Or more politely I have a tendency to not finish projects on time. This is because I tend to hide in my refuge: myself. In fact I might as well call this problem "Introvertedness", which isn't really a word, but I am quite introverted, so there. It's a safe haven for me. For example, I will leave very, very important projects until last minute, because either 1) something more important with my mental health came into view or 2) I feel as though to get past my stubborn ways I must reflect on what is holding me back, which sounds made up, but oddly enough that is what I do. A more pressing matter as of late, I found out that I intimidate people. I just irks me when people appear to be putting up some sort of protective defense against me. All I did was walk in the room. I get one of two responses from people when I FINALLY befriend them. "Oh I thought you were just stuck up" or, "I didn't notice you, you seemed incredibly shy". Where this misconception came from I have, well....never mind thats not entirely true. See when a person is quiet, they give off a vibe of "I just want to be left alone", which is very true, but I do sometimes want to reach out towards others. This again leads me back to being introverted. I keep to myself most of the times because I do not communicate well with others. Numerous times I've had terrible experiences, one could say I have my good days and my bad days. Which is ironic because I've managed to speak several languages (literally) throughout my life with fluency, but I hate speaking to people. Go figure! What I do, do though is everyday I try very hard to participate, even though I do get shot down. I'd rather get shot down then tell the person the truth. Frankly, I see straight to answer every time, I just really don't want to point it out because then I'm labeled as cocky or rude. Hey, it's not my fault you don't like the truth. I like to tell it as it is. It's just that has gotten me into so much trouble that I fear of offending too many people. My aunt calls me I forgot the exact word, but a person that looks at every possibility before answering. And yes I have been wrong before, but I've learned from those mistakes and it just adds to my knowledge of where to obtain my answers or truths. And sometimes people say that the quiet ones with come out on top, so maybe one day I can reverse this to make it my forte.
I don't really enjoy talking about my success/ strengths/ best qualities, but I have to anyway. It's just how many times does someone not believe you when you tell them or scoff at your pride? Too many, but I'll continue. One of my strengths is my ambition. A great example is the humanities project we had. I decided, (why? I have no clue, other than I wanted to make my teachers proud, which I never manage to do), that I should make the artifacts from scratch. Boy was that stupid. I'm was just thinking, "Oh, a harp, I can make a harp, and the Standard of Ur (which broke), the head of Uruk (which also broke), a Ziggurat, a seal stone, tablets with cunieform, etc.. " But you see the only time I have ambition is when I don't think. I did it all on impulse. For a 10th grade simple project, I decided I would do an oil painting, my first oil painting. It came out rather good actually, but why did I do that? I certainly cannot answer it other than to ambition and to win the hearts of comrades (a.k.a. teachers and students, little did I know that they'd get mad/jealous, or don't believe that I did it). I dont' know if anyone has detected fustration but all I really want to do is please everyone. This brings me to my best trait of all. I'm a caring person. If you break my trust, hurt me (oh boy am I sensitive) or betray me, then you'll never see the same Katherine again. But I will do anything, or go to the end of the world just to make sure you're taken care of or that you're happy. I love to make people smile. My best accomplishments in this area is decorating the house to make it comfortable not only for me, but for those who come to it and candy striping. I just recently finished repainting my room, buying new furniture and building some too. And I have to say, I've had some of my happiest memories at home with friends and family. And when I'm at the hospital bringing people fresh water, or talking to them (mainly foreign patients, because some American patients are awfully cranky) they smile, which just makes me the happiest person.
I don't know that I would say this was exactly difficult for me (I mean it did take a while because I was making chicken curry for lunch tomorrow), but sometimes I just don't really want to tell people anything, because I've never found someone who cares as much as I do. My weaknesses and strengths as listed are plainly there, but I have to say i'm not willing to budge much more because I saw this exercise as an exercise that is supposed to make us think, reflect, and maybe change, but I just need for someone else to change. This has done nothing more than help me tell you some of what I think about, but I don't think is ever hard it's just silly because people are selfish.
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